The Intern
by SteamPoweredHedgehog
Summary: First fanfic evar! After five months in space, Wheatley finds himself back on earth, now with a new android body. When he discovers Chell working as a teacher, Wheatley makes a decision only a moron could make: Become a teacher himself. Please R&R, no flames, or I will use them to cook hotdogs!
1. Chapter 1 & 2

Pa

The Intern

Chapter 1 Play It **Wheatley's P.O.V.**

_Oo ooh you can fight if you want. If you want. Ye-ah._

_Oo ooh you can fight it if you want. If you want._

We listen as the music echoes through the emptiness of space. Or, at least, I am. I'm not sure if Kevin was paying much attention. Or is it Spencer? I haven't decided yet. The only title the defective core went by was "Space" or "Space Core", so I decided to give him a real name. I think I like Spencer…

_I wake the neighbors and they always come a'knockin'._

_Each time I play a record they will try to stop me._

_Oh._

_Wish they'd leave me alone while my music's_

_So low._

The music continues playing from my…speakers, I guess? I'm not sure where exactly the audio for my radio comes from. Turns out, turning on my internal radio doesn't cause me to die. Should've come to that conclusion sooner, huh? "Spencer," I'll just call him Spencer for now. "you still around?" The space core had gotten a bit quiet since the song started playing.

"I'm in SPACE!" he squeals. "That's great, mate…" _Of course he was going to say that._ I think. Yep. Just a pair of cores, in space. For the…sixth month since 'Rejection Day'. That day when I was sent into space because of _Her. _Well it wasn't entirely _Her _fault. I was stupid enough to take over the facility…

"When you take over the facility by taking her for granted, and everything _She _has gets destroyed…" I murmur, the words to the turret's song running through my memory card. My non-existent hand slaps across my non-existent face. I'll go mad if I never see her again. I'd rather die apologizing to her than die without apologizing at all. That is now my only purpose in living. Find her and apologize. But how would I do that? I barely even know her name, for that matter. "What was it? Ch- Che… It's got an 'l' in it, I'm certain. Oh bollocks, what was it?!" I squeeze my shutters shut in frustration.

"Copilot!" Spencer shouts, jolting my concentration to my surroundings. "W-What is it?" I ask, doing my best to turn myself around. Not the easiest thing to do, with no gravity and all… Though it probably wouldn't be much easier if there _was_ gravity, so I try not to complain.

"ROCKET!" Spencer announces. Rocket?! What rocket?

A few core lengths away, a white seven foot long capsule floats closer and closer to us. "Space. Spaceship! Human space! Space travel. Sleep travel space! Sleep, in space…" the defective core continues to 'explain'. And I missed this thing coming toward us…how? The front of the capsule slowly turns to face us as it floats. There's a glass window near the top…

"GYAAAAHOhmyGod!" I yell. There's a human inside! A bloody flippin' human! I realize there's a large, black Aperture logo underneath the window. The cursed place. "Space, asleep. In space. Asleep in space. Waiting. Waiting in space for captain. Copilot!" Spencer shouts my nickname. The look on his optic showed that he was absolutely sure that what he was saying made sense. "Are you sure that this thing is-" "**Required core detected.**"

The cryo capsule beeps as it whirrs to life. A yellow light blinks next to the Aperture logo. The inside of the case glows a neon yellow, illuminating the figure inside. The human is a male, his mid-length ginger hair spiking up at awkward angles above his forehead. "What's it doing? Why did it- Oh! This is-!" I simulate the sound of a gasp.

_"Launch android transfer capsule! Now!" the core shouted. The ebony tiles on the floor parted to reveal an ivory container, time fading its bright color. The oxygen in the room was being sucked into the dark recesses of space, pulling on the braces keeping the core's chassis on the ceiling._

_"Let go! I'm still attached! I can pull myself back in!" the core shouted to the test subject clinging to his handles. Back on the ground, the capsule's thrusters kicked in. _**_"Target acquired." _**_The auto pilot's automated voice came from the capsule's compact chamber. The capsule shot into the air, the air vacuum accelerating it toward the blue portal on the ground. _**_"Acceleration capacity, exceeded. Unable to lock onto designated area of transition." _**_The pod flew, brushing past the evil core, in turn breaking a defective core from the chassis' attachments._

_"SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!" The core cried as it was ejected to the stars. _

_ The pod followed, carrying the almost-human along with it…_

XXxxXX

"I can't believe it! I've been wondering where you'd gotten off to!" I exclaim to the pod. The android body doesn't reply. Of course not. I'm not in it. "Bap-bap-bap bap CO-PILOT!" Spencer yells. I remember that my radio is still on, and I turn it off. The cold space seems too quiet now. The silence is soon broken by the capsule's recorded messages, though.

**"Core operating system, ready. Required core, confirmed. Retrieving operation, deploying." **A panel on the front of the case slides open, revealing a clawed grabby thingy. What? I can call it that if I want to. The claws chink open as they near me, completely ignoring Space Core. "Hey, what are you doing?! I never said I wanted to do a transfer now! Get away! NO!" The mechanical appendage pays no heed to my pleas. The metallic fingers wrap around my hull before the silver cord pulls me and the clawed grabby thingy toward the capsule, right into a connection outlet.

"Stop! I don't want to do this!" I scream to the pod. "Co-pilot? Space…Earth?" Spencer asks. I stare at the corrupted core. He'd never, ever in the entire time we were in space, ever mentioned anything about the planet Earth. What in the world was he getting on about?

**"Subject core, are you ready for exterior transition?" **"I honestly don't know why you even ask that, because I know that no matter what I say, you're going to do the whole bloody procedure anyway." I sigh. **"Good. Starting exterior transition process." **I hear gyros start up within the cryo pod. "Wait. Is this going to hurt? It is, isn't it? Oh God this is going to hurt a lot. I just know it. Oh no-" Burning electric shocks shoot through my hull.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUURGH!" **I scream out in pain. I feel the capsule's utensils crawling into my system, reaching my core. "Spaceship hurt Copilot! Bad spaceship! Go to space jail!" Spencer yells at the pod. "Copilot, are you okay?" a full sentence, for once. An actual full sentence. "Urgh…Spenc- AAAAAAAH!" The pain intensifies as something inside me opens. Like a…case, protecting my life fore. Or, that's what it feels like.

"Nooooo! Stop! I like being a metal ball! Arms and legs are-AH!-completely overrated! Don't need those, no sir! I don't… w…want…thhhhhhhh…." My mobility suddenly slows. The simulated adrenaline just…disappears. My frantic pleas slur to a stop. As black spots dot the rim of my vision, I watch Space Core/Spencer fidget about soundlessly, his words literally deaf on my sound receptors. I just didn't care, for some reason. There's nothing but blissful quiet and ecstasy. I try to say: "It's okay, Spence. I'm just fine." But I can't hear myself talking. I…think I said it, but I'm not sure. My field of vision is a hazy pinprick. To heck with thinking. What does thinking do but cause stress? I'm so tired. It's easier to just sleep…

The stars and galaxies and sun and planets and Space Core are obscured into oblivion with the heavy closing of my shutters.

Chapter 2 Yellow Lights**Wheatley's P.O.V.**

** "Exterior transfer, complete."**

The world blinks back in a flash, everything a white sheet for a millisecond. I blink my _eyes _tightly to get rid of the dull pain in my _head_, placing my _hands _onto the wall in front of me. Wait. Wall?

My _eyes _are met with the glass window of the pod, but from an inside view. Why is that?

I try to back up to look at my surroundings, but my _back _collides with another wall, yet this one's cushiony. I _feel _around, discovering that there are small, yellow-lighted walls all around me. The small space is almost big enough to fit a human…

"…Bloody…" I whisper, running my _hand _through my _hair. _Oh my God. I have hands! And hair! I immediately lift my hands to my face. I have a face! I look over my palms and the back of my hands. My fingertips are a slight pinkish color. I wiggle my fingers, not entirely sure how I'm doing it. "Eh-heh, I know I said arms and legs are overrated, but…this is just brilliant!" I squeal. "Oh, wait. How do I get out of here? Oooooh I didn't think about that." I swivel my head around to look for a way out. Hmmm… A head. That's new.

As far as I can tell, the only things I can consider for my escape plan are the cushiony walls and the small glass window. Out in space, I see Spencer calling my nickname and something about space, though it's hard to hear exactly what he's saying through the walls of my chamber. Not that that's surprising. Sound _is _normally difficult to hear through a wall of some sort. Hmm. Chamber. Kind of sounds like _lair…_

_ 'Welcome, to my LAIR!' _ I shudder. If I don't find her soon, my guilt will eat me alive. **"Releasing subject android. Please prepare for cryogenic capsule evacuation." **What? "Evacuation? What, are you just going to catapult me into space? I've done it before, but I'd rather not-" The front of the pod falls away, leaving me once again to the mercy of space.

"-AAAAAAAAAAACE!" The world is suddenly filled with sound. "Spencer!" I exclaim. "You can stop shouting now!" Not that I think it'll work. I've told him that countless times and he's never stopped. …Until now. "Spencer? You alright mate?" I ask. The space-obsessed core was silent, his optic slowly moving to observe me and my new body. "Oh! Spence! Um… well, you see, back at Aperture," I stutter, the word _Aperture _tasting like poison in my mouth. "I assigned an emergency android replacement body to my lair, in case I ever was in danger of being killed by that lady…" I pause.

"LAAAAADYYYY!" Spencer screams. So he does remember her. "I remember hearing the android pod being activated when the portal to the moon opened, but I guess it was sucked out into space." I finish. Spencer just spins in his hull, processing only half of what I had said.

"Space man! Space suit! SPACE!" He hollered. I cross my arms and glare, the orange material of a jumpsuit light to the touch. "A jumpsuit? Seriously? Well, what'ya gonna do." I sigh, a small bundle of the fabric in my fist.

"Wait, how am I breathing?! Humans can't breathe in space! ...Oh, android. Heh, right. Uuh..." My new hands fall from my throat. They almost feel...I don't know, detached. It was like being plugged in, or being in that bloody massive body, in control of everything. Not everything was attached to you, but you could still move it. Just...a little more.

I look to the mumbling space core slowly floating across me. The shock of my new form past him, his attention is no longer on me. "So, what do you think? How tall do you think I am?" I ask, patting my midsection. "Suun!" the core exclaims. So much for an honest opinion.

The space-obsessed core continues to shout. "Sun. Suun! Earth! Let's go to earth! Let's go, let's go!" I slide my synthetic hand down my face. His erratic, almost bipolar behavior was starting to worry me for once. "Okay, Kevin- Spencer, Space Core, whichever; I want to go back to earth just as much as you do. But how exactly are we going to get there? I don't know about you, but if you have a plan, now would be a great time to go with your plan, because I don't have one."

We float in silence for what seems a lifetime. Maybe it was only a few minutes. Time doesn't appear to exist here, not in space. Is this really what the rest of my existence is going to be like? Waste away in space forever?

"Gravity."

It came simply, like it was the most obvious answer to an easy question. The Space Core watches me expectantly, waiting for me to do something. But then I realize that the core wasn't looking at me, but _past _me. Turning my body, I can see the planet earth. It had gotten bigger. Much your document here...


	2. Chapter 3

**(A.N.- Helloooooooo! Sorry this took so long. School and homework are out to get my fanfic schedule. Anyway, enjoy!)**

Chapter 3: Bloody Hell I'm Back **Wheatley's P.O.V**

The planet earth had been getting bigger for a while, I realized. Little by little, spencer and I had been floating closer and closer to the blue mass called earth, and I hadn't noticed.

"Spencer! Do you know what this means?!" "EEEAAARTH!" He shouts, being right for the third time in a row. This little guy was on a role. "It means we're going home! I'm going bloody home! I'd love to see the look on _Her _face right now! Well, not literally; that would be terrifying, seeing that big white robot face glaring at me… But who cares! I'm going home!" I throw my hands up to the emptiness of space and the cold light of the sun. I didn't mind. In a little while, true, warm sunlight would flood into my new photoreceptors with the rest of the world.

"Goodbye, space. I'd say it's been nice knowing you, but it hasn't."

XxxxxX

The earth is much closer now. Spencer can't seem to stop blabbering about earth; it's a wonder why he was so obsessed with space in the first place. "Earth! Bah-ba-ba-bah-bah-ba-bap-Earth-Bah-ba-ba-bap-bap Earth." I laugh. "Yes, Spencer, we're going to earth. I think I get the message. Not sure what you'll do once we get there, but I am definitely going to-" What seemed like an invisible rope pulled hard on my torso, careering me backwards. Not moments later, Spencer suddenly comes hurtling into my arms.

"Ah! Spence, what's happening?!" I yell to the core wrapped in my new arms.

The robotic sphere had his shutters closed tight shut. "GRAVITY!" he yells back. I glance over my shoulder and saw that the planet earth was coming to meet us _very quickly. _ In another sense, we were plummeting toward a large rock in space without any protection what-so-ever.

"Uh, you don't think that synthetic skin and an orange jumpsuit serves as proper space apparel?" I ask as I began to feel the heat of the outer atmosphere. I yelp when I notice that my sleeve is on fire.

_With all the new sensors in this body, does that mean that this is __**really **__going to hurt? _I think, panic risingin my circuits. The flames spread throughout my body like an igniter, setting my pain simulators in full swing. Spencer's screams ring through our wireless connection at an unbelievable, inhuman pitch. 

"Ooow! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" I scream. Everything is aflame, and the intense feeling of falling hardly numbed the burning sensation all over my body. The space outside the flames faded from black to a faint blue. Hold on, Spencer! It's almost over!" I yell, more to myself than the screaming metal ball burning up in my arms.

**_ Core exterior reaching 1300 degrees Kelvin. _**A voice announced inside my head. I'm just going to put my cards on the table and guess: That's _really _hot. I should be a melted mess by now. A sore feeling starts taking place in my photoreceptors. The sore feeling transforms into intense pain as my vision blurs.

**_Crack._**

****The sound was loud, even over the flames and the cries of pain. I can no longer see, but I know the gasses of the atmosphere still set my hull to flames. Spencer continues to scream, and a second voice is heard with it. It was mine. The fire suddenly ceases, cold, hard wind whipping at my back. I try to adjust my grip on Spencer, but my arms refuse to move. Heat still fills my body, but Spencer has stopped crying out. '_Is he still alive? Was it too much for him? Did he-'_

My sensors are overrun with the shock of landing into cold liquid, water, I guess. We must be nose-diving, because the water sprayed and whipped my head in directions unknown and unseen. I try to scream out, but my voice gurgles with the water choking it. The water stops, and something hard and flat takes it's place. The surface beneath me crumbles under the weight and speed. Eventually, it's over. Spencer falls from my grip, and I hear him land noisily somewhere in the darkness. All this, in darkness.

"I can't see!" I cry out, my vocal processors warping tones. "I can't see...I can't see..."

XxxxxX

I see…orange.

I dart my eyes around, feeling the eyelids that covered them. The pain is gone, so I open the skin-like flaps to be greeted by a blue sheet with fluffy white splotches on it. Clouds. Those were clouds. I'd read about clouds and seem pictures of them back at That Place. They were a bit boring to read about, actually. Flinching as I pushed myself up for the first time, I remember how gravity makes you have to keep things from falling. Propped up in a somewhat decent manner, I take in my surroundings. "Oh, bullocks! Everything's bluuuuryyyyy." I whine. "I cannot see a single thing right now! Well, I can see, but how in the bloody universe am I supposed to focus on anything with everything being all fuzzy?"

No one answers. I don't even hear Spencer's optimistic shatter. Spencer! "Spencer! Where are you mate?" "Eeaaarth!" the little bot replies. Relief floods my circuits. "Oh, man alive, I never thought I'd be so glad to hear your voice." I say, looking down at the blurry grey ball I knew was him. I try to look up at the sky again, but- "AAAH! My eyes! What is that?! It's really really bright!" I immediately throw my hands over my photoreceptors. Long but soft blades of strange stuff crinkles under my flailing new feet. "Sun!" Spencer explains to me. "Oh, is that what that is?" I ask, removing my hands from my face. "Well, it's blinding in real life, I'll tell you." I blink several times, but the world doesn't get any clearer. "Copilot's scope is broken." Spencer says rather solemnly, for him.

"Is that my eye you're talking about, Spence? Yeah, I figured…" I sigh, pointing to it. I take another shot at looking around, and as far as I can tell-with no sense of focus- there aren't any instant-repair stations nearby. Just masses of green and yellow stuff. "Look, I know we just fell from space-not fun, I might add- but we can't stay here. We need help." I bring my lower limbs up to my chest and spread my hands upon the upturned dirt ground. "Alright, easy-peasy. You've seen her do it a million times. Just do what she does." I encourage myself. So I push.

"OW!" I holler. "No better way to start walking than landing flat on your face!" Which, I did do. Frustrated, I wipe away the grainy substance that now covered my face. "If at first you don't succeed, try again, I suppose."

And again. And again. And again.

Nearly completely covered with brown smears, I attempt to balance my legs one final time. "Okay, feet secure, check. Now, Wheatley, don't stand up too fast. Remember what happened last time?" I talk myself through the process. Slowly straightening my back one metal vertebrae at a time, I am eventually standing. "Yes! I did it! Another great feat accomplished by little ol' Wheatley. Honestly, Spencer, I don't know how humans do it." "We're back!" the robot sphere chimes. "What was that?" I ask. "We're baaaack!" he repeats, spinning in his hull.

"We're back…" I murmur. The clouds roll slowly across the sky. Wind rustles the green and yellow substance spread all over the ground. "Yeah, we are back." I laugh. Then it hits me. "Bloody hell I'm back! Oh, man alive, this is brilliant! This changes everything! I can finally tell her I'm sorr-"

"Do you need help young man?"

I freeze, ever so slowly turning my head to reveal an elderly woman standing several feet away. "Um…yes." I begin. I try to think of more to say, but she stops me. "Well, come with me. No explanation needed. You look rather tired." The woman beckons me to follow as she turns away. I glance at Spencer. "Um…Would it be alright if you lend us a place to stay for a while?" I look down at myself.

"And some clothes?"


End file.
